In this world, everyone should be able to live peacefully. They should be able to smell the fresh fragrance of the dripping rain from a rose flower, be able to walk on this earth with humbleness showing respect to one another. If only the marriages work in a beautiful way with love and mercy for each other, if only a spouse could understand the other – this world would be such a happy place.
Islam truly beautifies the relationship between husband and wife. Allah’s commandments should be enough for us to follow and make us submissive to Him. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala has given both men and women rights . He has put love and mercy between the spouses. However many people do not follow this. Many times we find Muslim women in our own community facing abuse from their husbands. These women are being treated harshly and looked down upon. The reason this occurs is because men grow up in such environment that they learn it from their family members and follow suit without acknowledging that they are doing injustice to their wives who are supposedly should become the coolness of their eyes.
Abusing the other person only makes the person weaker instead, not stronger.They simply does not get unpunished because they will have to face it on the Day of Judgement. In every prayer, we recite Surah al Fatihah in which we say, “Maliki yawmiddeen” (Master of the Day of Judgement). Each of them, men and women will be given justice. Therefore, if we love and fear Allah, we should give our spouse their rights and act according to the sunnah of Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam is the greatest role model for us and he treated his wives in the best of manners.
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said,“The believers who have perfect faith are those with the best character, and the best of them are those who treat their women the best.”
(Sunan At-Tirmidhee: 1162)
I believe that muslim women have great strength and a lot of patience. I have lots of respect for them. I can’t imagine myself going through what they went through everyday of their lives. Sometimes they will just cry alone and get back up as if nothing happened. May Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala reward them and grant them a beautiful house in paradise, ameen!
I think muslim women should give dawah to their husband in such circumstances. Who knows maybe their husbands are unaware that they are committing a sin because of their bad behavior. This will also affect their children. I believe husband and wife should both remind each other of Allah. They should be able to complete each other.
I suggest sisters to try giving dawah to their husband in a kind manner. Be patient when he doesn’t listen to you.
Allah the Exalted says: “And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you”.
[Surat Al-‘Imran 3: Verse 159]
There are so many ways of giving dawah , you have to find a way that fits your situation. Use your wisdom, knowledge, strength and remember kindness is more effective than anything.
Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala says in the Qur’an:
“Call to the way of your Lord with wisdom and kind way of speaking, and discuss with them in the best way.”
[Surah An-Nahl 16 : Verse 125]
Your love and mercy for your husband will definitely win him over. However keep in mind that your intention is to help him not to show off that you are better in religion than him. Be humble for the sake of Allah Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala.
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said,”No one is humble (for the sake of Allah) unless Allah raises him [in rank].”
[Authentic hadith reported by Muslim in al-Sahih al-Jami’, book 19, page/number1599, narrated by Abu-Hurayrah]
1. Tell him how you feel.
Let him know how you felt when he was rude to you. If your feelings were hurt, let it out in front of him instead of keeping it all in your heart. This will make him realize that he has done something wrong and he will apologize for it.
2. Get Help!
If your husband doesn’t listen to you then have someone else talk to him on your behalf. Someone he would usually listen to and would advise him in a kind manner. After everything has been tried, you should try to seek counsel with your local Imam, Scholar or a marriage counselor.
3. Make Dua
Always make dua and never lose hope. Hold on to the rope of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala and never lose your self-esteem. You are a muslimah and you have already been granted honor through Islam. Be patient and wake up for Tahajjud prayer. Remember Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala listens to all our prayers and He is closer to us than our jugular veins.
“And indeed We have created man, and We know whatever thoughts his inner self develops, and We are closer to him than (his) jugular vein.”
(Surat Qāf 50: Verse 16)
May Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala guide us all and put love and mercy in our hearts for each other, ameen.
Authored by Guest Writer – Umm Haroon
Edited by H. Ruzzana