Narrated Jubair bin Mut`I’m: That he heard the Prophet (salallahu aleyhi wasallam) saying, “The person who severs the bond of kinship will not enter Paradise.”
Allah (subhanahu wata’aala) is Al-Hakeem, the Most Wise. None of His actions are done without a great wisdom behind it. He is also Al-Qadeer, the One Who is in control of everything. So nothing happens without His Will. Now, if you combine both of these names and ponder over them, you will realize that most of your life’s endless problems all of a sudden seem to become petty. Because now you will realize that every single thing that happens in your life, happens by the Will of Allah (subhanahu wata’aala), and everything He allows to happen in your life conceals great Wisdom behind it. And so, life becomes relaxed and calm.
One of the tests almost all of us face in our lives is through our families. There is no ‘perfect’ family in this world. Every family has amazing members, and likewise they also have troublesome ones. Each is tested by the other. Sometimes, we are frustrated. And sometimes, we simply want to break through. But, is breaking through the solution? What does Islam say about maintaining family relationships? Or in other words, what does Islam say about relationships which were not our choice, rather they were chosen by Allah in our lives? This is the discussion of our fourth article in this Manners series.
The Prophet (salallahu aleyhi wasallam) said, “The person who severs the bond of kinship will not enter Paradise.”
This means that relationships that are established through blood cannot be severed. You have to understand that this is a part of life’s test and fleeing from the test does not make you pass the test in any manner. In reality, fleeing away by breaking through these relationships can bring forth greater problems in this dunya and the hereafter. Allah (subhanahu wata’aala) has chosen these people to be in your life and you cannot erase them if you want. Accept Allah’s Decree and uphold the ties, even if it gets difficult. Because it will surely be rewarding as we will see at the end of this writing.
Though we are obligated to uphold our ties of kinship, there is no one specific way that it has to be done. It can be maintained through many different ways according to what one’s situation demands. As Imam Nawawee said in regards to this:
“Joining the ties of kinship (ŝilatu-r-rahim) means to behave well with near of kin as the situation demands. Sometimes this is done by giving them charity, or spending on them, and other times it is done by serving them, or visiting them, or greeting them with the salam, and other such matters.”
Mentioned below are two ways you can maintain your ties of kinship with:
1. Set a date of the week when you will call them up or visit them. Having a day that is set aside only for one’s relatives can help busy people stay focused. You can call or visit by turns each week starting with your closest ones first.
2. Sending them help they need, whether it be food, clothing or money. There are many of our relatives who may be in need but out of self-dignity may not be able to ask. Search for such people. You may never know what blessings arrive in your life and what calamity is removed because of their heart-felt du’as.
And finally, the big question!
Muslim records on the authority of Abû Hurayrah that a man came to the Messenger of Allah (salallahu aleyhi wasallam) and said, “Prophet of Allah, I have relatives with whom I have good relations but they do not reciprocate. I do good to them and they repay me with evil. I am gentle with them but they are rough with me.” The Prophet (salallahu aleyhi wasallam) said, “If it is as you say, it is as if you are feeding them hot ashes. But Allah will remain in your support as long as you persist.”
Meaning, ‘by your treating them well and their reciprocating in this way, it is they who will lose out and feel the evil consequences of their deeds. Therefore it is as if, by your treating them well and their bad treatment of you, you are feeding them the Fire.’