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“He that did not safeguard his tongue did not understand his religion.” said Al-Hasan (RA)

Improve Your Manners Series – Hadith Quickie 1

Manners in Islam - Hadith 1


The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “It is one of the greatest sins that a man should curse his parents.” It was asked (by the people), “O Allah’s Messenger! How does a man curse his parents?” The Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “The man abuses the father of another man and the latter abuses the father of the former and abuses his mother.
[Sahih Al-Bukhari]

Ar-Rahmaan (The Most Merciful). Taught the Qur’an. Created man. He taught him (mankind) eloquent speech.
[Surah Ar-Rahmaan 55: Verse 1-3]

In the above mentioned surah, Surah Ar-Rahmaan, when Allah subhanahu wata’ala mentioned about His mercy, the third thing that He mentioned was His act of teaching ‘bayaan’ or speech to human beings specifically. And yet, today we are living at a time, when this blessing of Allah is one that is taken for granted and abused to a level that is really heart-breaking for the Muslim ummah.

Ponder over the following 2 points:

  • We are the ummah whom Allah subhanahu wata’ala chose to send down His own words as the ultimate miracle and guidance. As we know, the Qur’an is not a creation of Allah. It is the speech of Allah subhanahu wata’ala Himself. How then, can we strive to be from the people of the Qur’an if our tongues are polluted with abusive language and mankind as a whole is not safe from our tongues?
  •  Qur’an is an integral part of our lives as Muslims. We recite it daily, whether in our salah or outside salah. Have you spared a moment to think about how we can use the same tongue to abuse others with which we recite the words of Allah subhanahu wata’ala? Thought-provoking, isn’t it?

There are many aayahs in the Qur’an and ahadeeth of the Prophet salallahu aleyhi wasallam that guide us to disciplining our tongue which is a manifestation of the importance of purifying our tongue in the sight of Allah subhanahu wata’ala. For indeed, the tongue is an extremely significant part of our existence and a measure of our dignity. It is such a powerful tool that only needs a little attention of ours to see its devastating result in our lives and societies. It plays such an emphasized role that the Prophet salallahu aleyhi wasallam said: “Whoever guards what is between his two lips and [guards] his private parts will enter paradise.” Narrated by Imam Ahmad.

Here, we have one of those important hadeeth which guides our tongue and reminds us of an act which we may simply overlook, and yet it is considered to be one of the greatest of major sins. And that is cursing one’s own parents.

One may ask, how does one curse his own parents, since nobody sane would want to do it. From the hadeeth itself, we see that the Prophet salallahu aleyhi wasallam explained it this way: when one curses another’s parents, it infuriates the other person and causes him to curse the former’s parents back. In this case, the one who initiated the act is the one who intrigued the other person and when the other person curses his own parents back, it is as if he himself cursed his own parents. And we would surely not want to be guilty of such a lowly crime of cursing our own parents! May Allah subhanahu wata’ala protect us.

Notice here also, the Prophet salallahu aleyhi wasallam mentioned that it is one of the greatest of major sins. Major sin itself is big. But this act of cursing someone else’s parents is classified as one of the greatest of major sins. So, think about the gravity of this crime (as I would like to label it) in the sight of Allah (‘azza wa jall)!

In this regard, I would like to share a very important story from my own family, which brings in another aspect to this great sin. One of my close relatives once abused another relative by insulting the latter’s mother. And for once, can you guess what the latter did? He was so infuriated that he murdered the former along with his two brothers! And subhanAllah this is a story from my own family. While the latter’s action is not justified, it still reflects to what extent a person can be infuriated if one curses his parents.

And today, it is not only a disease that we are afflicted with, but sadly it is one which is no longer seen as a disease. Shaytan has succeeded to some extent to make us do what he did. Justify the sin itself. And so, using language like ‘son of a …’ has become a trend and especially in teenagers and youngsters, you are considered backdated if you are simply choosing not to stink your tongue with these filthy words. This is a problem and our solution lies in going back to the Qur’an and the Sunnah. So, let’s go back.

I have tried to come up with some practical pointers for my dear readers to help you overcome this disease, which may have become light in our tongues and has unknowingly hardened our hearts and (may Allah subhanahu wata’ala forgive us) may have made our scales of bad deeds heavy, since remember, this act of cursing someone’s parents is not only a major sin, but one of the greatest of major sins!


1. The power of words – Come back to the greatest of all words, the words of Allah subhanahu wata’ala. Spend some time to understand the linguistic miracle of these words, the power of these words and recite these words. You will be surprised how your heart becomes full of life and the dislike towards using abusive language is naturally revived, insha Allah. Because the heart that is awed at the Majesty of the words of the Greatest, in it lies no place of liking that which displeases Him or causes His anger to befall.
2. The misuse of the powerful tool – Go back in your life. The painful memories. And be genuine to identify the causes of the pain. Often times, it was not a sword that caused the scar but an even more powerful tool, the tongue. If you ponder over how many relationships, homes and societies have been destroyed by this one single piece of flesh, you would not want to be a part of such a legacy. Insha Allah.
3. Change the abusive circle – if your circle considers you not worthy of being in their company, simply because you choose to stay clean for the pleasure of your Master, in reality you deserve a better company. Easier said than done, but neither impossible. If you are sincere, you will be amazed how the help of Allah subhanahu wata’ala arrives and how He replaces the people in your life with  people you never imagined.
4. Resolve and maintain a checklist – if this is a habit that has grown over the years, true that it will not be easy to get rid of this. But remember, Allah subhanahu wata’ala does not burden a soul more than it can take. If it has come, it can also go. Even if the letting go is difficult. I suggest that you resolve to yourself never to go back to a crime which displeases your Rabb so much. Maintain a checklist and every time you have committed it, mark a cross in red. In sha Allaah, gradually, your checklist will remain all white and clean, reflecting the success of the purification process of your tongue. And no success comes to a slave except by the will and mercy of the Master, to Whom belongs All Praises and Thanks.

May Allah subhanahu wata’ala help us realize the magnanimity of this organ that He blessed us with, help us not to misuse this blessing and help us to use this blessing in a way that pleases Him. May Allah subhanahu wata’ala accept us as His dignified slaves, aameen.

Authored by Faria Alam ♦ To Read more about the Author CLICK HERE
Edited by Tahira Amatullah ♦ To Read more about the Editor CLICK HERE

Prophet Muhammad - "Convey (knowledge) from me even if it is just one ayah" [Bukhari 3461]

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