A man came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim).
It is true that a mother goes through many difficulties, yet it doesn’t mean a father doesn’t. It is true that prophet Muhammed (PBUH) told to love the mother more, yet he (PBUH) didn’t tell not to love the father.
There have been many poems, stories and articles written and dedicated to mothers, yet there’s less when it comes to a father. A father’s love speaks less so we too discuss less about his love. I often come across the words saying ‘no love can be compared with a mother’s love’ or similar statuses. I stare at such statements with disagreement. I’m a mother so I should feel better yet my heart doesn’t let me to be partial. I’ve experienced the unconditional love of a father and now I experience my husband sheds his unconditional love over my children.
Yes, as a mother I know mothers go through difficult times from bearing children within them and bringing them up. They risk themselves to give birth to their children. When I was carrying my babies, what I felt was, let them be safe no matter what happens to me. It is not a surprise to think so, every mother expect her child’s well-being. She sacrifices her sleep, her likings and every thing, almost everything. She forgets about her life while she takes care of other lives. The happiness of her is to see her children smile and be happy. She cries not for her pains but for her children’s. I have seen my mother being worried about her grandchildren where I have never seen her being panicked when something went wrong with us. She becomes brave to hold her pains within herself for her children. She courageously bears the agonies but she fails to bear the agonies her children face. When I had met with an accident, broke my ankle my mother was expecting her third child and she was close to her due, yet she walked miles carrying me to the doctor because it was during political distress in the country and we had no means of transportation.
That was a mother; she scolds and screams at her children when they do something wrong because if she doesn’t correct them today, someone else might correct them in future leaving scars and bruises.
So is it only a mother who goes through every difficulty? No, not at all! How can we simply forget the man behind her? How can we neglect his love? Yes, there are cruel fathers too who heartlessly neglect their children. But aren’t there any such mothers too? Yes there are. There are different kinds of humans. There are criminals in the society, yet not every human being is a criminal. Likewise, there can be bad fathers and bad mothers but we cannot label every parent with same title.
Some says a father is like a sleeping partner in a company, he goes to work, earns, comes back and sleeps. Wakes up and same routine begins every day. Do you think so? Do you know how difficult it is to earn a penny? How much of pressure they bear in themselves. They bottle up their agonies. They have pressure at working place as well as home. Yet he silently bears not letting others feel how depressed he is.
‘No storm is stronger than emotions of a father, no love is silent than his love, and no voice could be deep as the oceans as his.’
When he is emotionally blown, he is stronger than a storm. That is because his love is not shown but stored. Have you seen a dam? What happens when the doors of the dams are open? His love is similar to that. SubhanAllah, trust me learn to feel him, you will understand, every breath he drops down carries an amount of love for the family he cares. I’ve seen such fathers so many times. For whom do they sacrifice their age? For his children and family. I know, some of you would not agree…but as I’ve said, there are good and bad people. There are mothers who protect their children like their own life but don’t we meet otherwise? Haven’t we heard of mothers who torture their children, who neglect for their enjoyment?
Although it is a custom here that meals are served first to the men in the family, we practice the other way. My husband always lets me have my meals first while he looked after the kids and then he dines. Although he had to go to work early in the morning, he woke up at midnight and helped me to lullaby the infants. Even now it happens. When my children fall sick, it is he who panics a lot. Why? Because of the love he has. I’ve seen him crying when my son was admitted in the hospital. I have never seen him broken the way he was then. I’ve heard my father has been the same kind. I can still remember my dad being the one who gave medicines for us and now, I see the history being repeated.
The fathers I see do wash their children’s clothes, help them do homework, clean the house, cook and help the mothers in every possible way. The only thing they don’t do is bearing their children. That is the only difference between a father and a mother, so they need to be loved and cared. It’s our duty to understand them. Teenagers see their fathers as their greatest enemies, because fathers are strict. We feel more comfortable in communicating with our mothers than our fathers. At night, both my children come to me to hug and I see my husband bear it with a smile. Children feel more secure with their mother but it is the father who protects the family going through hard times, holding the pains and rejections by himself.
“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood’ “(Glorious Quran 17:23-24).
If you feel your father doesn’t deserve to be loved then make dua to make him better. No matter what they are, we have to learn to love them, if it looks impossible try not to hate and add them in your dua. From billions of people, it is them that Allah has chosen to be your parents. So it doesn’t matter whether they showed you love or not, as a Muslim, you have to learn to love and respect them. Be thankful for Allah for you have been blessed with parents because someone somewhere is wishing for one.
Seasons are different, so are we humans. No two people are the same, so learn to accept them the way they are. There might be untold pains and stories in their lives. People who are living in deserts have to bear the weather no matter how much they dislike. There are always alternative options rather than leaving that place.
Do you know when there’s a cavity in a tooth, the dentist does not extract it at once? Do you think it would be the same once a tooth is extracted? No, there’s a difference. There’s a difference in the procedure of chewing as well as the appearance of you. It is same with the bonds in life. Be thankful for what you have. Today’s’ bad father can turn into the best father tomorrow with Allah’s mercy. Never ever choose one over another, both your parents deserve to be loved and cared for they have been sacrificing their entire life to bring you up.
“We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth” (Glorious Quran 46:15).
In this verse Allah (swt) talks about the mother, for she carries the baby but as a grown up, don’t you know that the father has a part in this production? Use your wisdom to understand life deeply rather just seeing it as it is.
No storm is stronger than emotions of a father, no love is silence than his love, and no voice could be deep as the oceans as his. No quilt can give the warmth of a mother, no comfy mattress would be as comfortable as her lap is, and no lullaby is a match for her gentle breath.