Blessings in life are like the autumn, the colors and the breeze are welcomed warmly. When the wind blows down a leaf, we are eager to touch and collect; but when the wind blows all the leaves down, ignored are the leaves that we crumple them onto ground without a second thought.
One such blessing is the happy marriage. Though, it has been a trend to host a marriage ceremony grandly, but once it is over, everything is over. It is a shame that the sparks of the wedding night fade so soon. Is marriage meant just for a day where the bride meets her prince charming, pledges to be his wife forever?
Some believe that meeting the end is called happily ever after, like the fairy tales we used to read and watch, and that end always becomes the marriage; trust me this is not true! You just begin the adventure not the end, for marriage is one roller coaster.
We are much exposed to the world that the western minds have created of. The unlawful relationship is beautified by the Western thinkers and purposefully forgotten to illustrate the beauty of the marital life.
The mistake we commonly do is that when we get used to something, we care less to beautify the relationship. Explore the beauty of Allah’s creations while entertaining your life. Have a break from your usual schedule. Take your spouse on a trip. Different environments create different moods for both of you and soon you will find the change in your life.
1. Halal Dating
How often do you go out with your spouse?
Can you remember a candle-lit dinner spent with a light heart chat with your spouse after the early days of your marriage? Why should honeymoon get over so soon? These are the common errors in today’s marital lives. Honeymoon soon ends. The masks removed and we start living with the truth, truth of being busy with our business, meetings, children and other responsibilities.
Does this mean that the marital relationship becomes a burden? When responsibilities drown one, does that mean he or she has to give up being the caring and close partner of their spouse? The answer is NO. Take your spouse to a restaurant, have a special dinner and let your partner feels she/he is special to you. After all, your spouse is halal to you, why feel ashamed in entertaining her/him?
2. Balanced Life
It is true that each day we gain experience and grow old. Another day is a blessing from Allah. The realization makes us feel matured and we tend to prepare for the other life while enjoying our current lives and fulfilling our duties towards the family. Indeed, Islam teaches a balanced life, hence we call it the way of life.
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us,”Be in this world as a stranger or wayfarer.” [Bukhari, Tirmidhi, Ibn Maja, and Ahmad]
The wayfarer or stranger does not avoid comfort, enjoyment, or interests related to their journey or place of sojourn. However, they realize that their destination is more important than their fleeting journey or sojourn. Thus, they prioritize, realizing that this worldly life is a means to the next life. We seek the good in it, as a means to the good in the next life, not as an end itself.
Exchange gifts with each other. Your spouse is the other half of you. Why not make yourself happy? A gift is an expression of love. We are often fed that gifts are wasting our money. But what if you bought the regular brand of shampoo she/he uses as a gift? After all, you remember what brand she/he likes and it will make her/him happy.
We are told that a gift should be something expensive. That is where we have mistaken. A gift can be anything. Even if it is simple, it will be much appreciated.
4. Show Love
- Cuddle and kiss your spouse often with affection and don’t forget to appreciate him/her.
- Give a light head massage to your spouse, that’s a practiced secret for a successful marital relationship.
- Get close to your partner and drift your spouse’s attention to you from the television or the book.
- Tease and joke with your partner.
It is much easier to declare war against them when they commit a simple error.
But we are stingy when it comes to using the words like ‘I love you’. When others can keep on saying those words for their unlawful partner, why can’t you whisper so day and night to your spouse? After all, your spouse is lawful to you.
“And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between you; verily, in that are signs for people who reflect.” (Qur’an, 30:21)
5. Beautifying and Admiration
A man’s primary need is for respect, while a woman’s primary need is for love.
The common mistake we all do is that we beautify ourselves when we leave home and neglect ourselves while we are at home. Whom are we trying to please, our spouse or someone on the street? And keep in mind that men and women like to be admired by their spouses.
Saying how beautiful or how handsome is not a sin and you aren’t going to lose anything by expressing your feelings. What is wrong in admiring the beauty of Allah? You are to lower your gaze in front of non-Mahrams, not in front of your husband or wife.
6. Communicating and Listening
One should realize that even without these fancy tips, you still can love each other. A healthy discussion is the main key to open doors to the secret chamber of your spouse.
A keen listener can be the best friend of your partner. You don’t want your friends to listen to you though Allah has given the best companion for you to talk with.
7. Get Rid of Ego
Egoism plays a major role in our marital life. When honeymoon ends and we tend to mind our own business, we seriously ‘do mind our own business’. We think if our spouses do not reply to us due to the interest he or she has in reading or watching, why should we bother talking to them! This way, some spouses do not consider their partners in the relationship, all they think of and care for is their own ego!
8. Understanding What We Need From Each Other
A man’s primary need is for respect, while a woman’s primary need is for love. The pattern of argumentation that results when the wife does not show respect and the husband does not show love. When a wife feels that her husband is acting unloving, she often reacts with disrespect, which in turn makes the husband act even more unloving.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has said, “A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” (Muslim)
Finally patience is all what makes marriage successful. Everything said above could be put under the word patience. None of us are perfect and imperfectness is what creates the uniqueness. Petals look alike but they are different, removing one different petal doesn’t make the flower beautiful but it makes it incomplete
“Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full without reckoning (or measure).” (Qur’an, 39:10)
10. Keep Marriage Secrets
Don’t compare your marriage with your friends. Every marriage is made of odds and ends. Don’t share marital life’s secrets with others. Once your problem is over, you forget but others don’t. If you find flaws in your relationship, keep faith in Allah and use the powerful weapon you are gifted with: D`ua.
1. Yasmin Mogahed, A Successful Marriage: The Missing Link. Suhaibwebb.com.